How I Got Locked In A Crazy $1,000 Rush With My Own Son

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Thanks to a powerful cocktail of ignorance and refusal to accept my own physical decline, I am locked in a race that 100% end up having to give my son $1,000.

Here’s the short version: Four years ago, I told my son that I would give him this amount if he beat me in a running race. Since then we have been running.

I did this because I thought it was funny. I did this because I’m an idiot. It was a journey, and I learned a lot. To be a dad. About what it feels like to realize your body is crumbling into a pile of ash and dust.

Now for the long version.

The year was 2019. My then 6 year old son, obsessed with Pokémon cards, was desperately trying to earn money to buy packs at the local Kmart. Clearly this presented some sort of learning opportunity, but my wife and I had no idea how to proceed. Was he too young for an allowance? Is an allowance even a good idea for kids these days? We weren’t sure.

I had a “moment of clarity”. How about, I suggested, our two sons “winning” money if they set bold goals, fight for them, and eventually achieve them? Any type of objective was eligible: academic, sporting, artistic. As long as the pursuit pushed the boundaries, it was worth a reward. It was a system designed to teach resilience, the importance of goal setting, hard work – all of those good things.

Great idea, my wife agreed. Let’s do it.

We have built a crude reward system that works on a large scale. If the task was easily achievable, the reward was less. At age 6, he earned $5, for example, for learning to spell his favorite word, “dragon.” A month later, after weeks of training, he won $20 for performing a backflip on a trampoline. Very impressive, I thought. Wonderful parenting. I’m very well, my darling.

But very quickly, my son asked me a question that has haunted me ever since.

“How much if I beat you in a race, dad?” »

A bit of context here. My son is fast. He was always fast. He learned to walk at 10 months and a month later he could run. Properly run. Friends, neighbours, strangers to the park commented: “He’s fast, isn’t he? “He’s really coordinated.”

Me, beaming with pride: “He got that from his dad.

More context. I’m also fast. At least I was fast. In a childhood filled with impromptu races, I don’t remember losing a sprint once. In high school I became a sports champion after winning the 100 meters, 200 meters, high jump And Long jump.

It was a very long time ago. I’m 40 now, still in decent shape – although less explosive with a swollen right knee. But in my imagination, I’m still that 15-year-old kid, leaping past competitors like a pasty Scottish gazelle.

“Dad, how much?”

“$1,000,” I replied. “I’ll give you a thousand dollars if you ever beat me in a race. You’ll never beat me. Never. I’ll come out of my deathbed to beat you.”

His eyes lit up.

“$1,000? he muttered, almost to himself, trying to parse that impossible number with childlike wonder. Or calculate how many Pokémon boosters it would earn him.

“It’s true,” I said again.

“One thousand dollars.”

you are next

I thought – I hoped, I dreamed – that he might forget about our little deal. He has not forgotten.

In the meantime, my son has also negotiated a race with my wife, his mother. One with slightly lower stakes, $20.

And thank God for that. About a month later, just before bath time, my son challenged my wife to an official race. She’s not really a sprinter, but she fought. In the last 10 meters, my son dropped the hammer. He sailed to victory. At 6 years old, he was the second fastest person in our house.

I will never forget what happened next. He took my wife’s $20 bill and folded it neatly into his little dinosaur wallet. He turned and pointed at me with a determined little finger.

“You are next.”

let’s race

We fought steadily over the years, by a loosely understood set of rules. First, the distance had to be agreed in advance. Second, everyone had to understand that this was a real race for $1,000. He couldn’t use trickery or rush out without warning and claim he beat me. Third, it had to be a sprint. It couldn’t be like a half marathon or something — we’re talking 50 to 100 meters here.

I was 37 when I accepted this deal, still full of juice in the buttocks. For years I crushed it. I ran right ahead, making him feel like he was closer than he thought. I wanted him to have something to aim for, a reason to keep pushing himself.

He’s not my son. My son would smoke this kid.

Javier Pascual/EyeEm

And it worked. My son is lean and tanned, with leg pistons. It is absolutely fast. He lives every second of his life like he’s on Ninja Warrior, his flowing brown hair flapping as he moves from the kitchen to the garden and back again. In a way, I think, that challenge played a part in his development. I remember one day I was coaching his football team and he challenged me to a race after practice. His teammates joined me. I won, but my son was second by a considerable distance. No one else could follow him.

A little over a year ago, when my son turned 9, he made progress. We took a 5 kilometer (3 mile) jog on one of the trails near our house and noticed a difference. His steps were more determined, more coordinated. He seemed able to effortlessly maintain a pace he hadn’t been able to before.

I didn’t think of it. We hadn’t raced for over six months. I couldn’t even remember the last time he mention the $1,000. I was safe. Nothing to worry about.

Then, after a kick on the soccer field, he dropped the bomb.

“Let’s race,” he said.

I took a break.

“For the $1,000? »

“Yeah, for the $1,000.”

“I’m going to smoke you. You know that, don’t you?

“Maybe. But I want to try.”

Were out

We set it up. Serious business. His buddy counted down. I decided I wanted to teach him a lesson. I would go full power, full speed. Show him how far he was from defeating his old man.

Click. We were gone.

I sprinted as fast as I could. Normally, that meant breaking away from my son with relative ease. Not this time. Halfway through the race, I looked back to see how far ahead I was. This time my son was not behind me he was just next to me.

Literal nightmare scenario.

When the hell did he get so fast? I tried to accelerate but couldn’t – I was already blowing a joint, there was nothing left in the tank. I went into total panic mode. That little bastard might actually beat me.

In the end, I did. Barely. In what amounted to a 70 meter sprint, I beat him maybe half a meter? It was me running at full speed, without mercy.

I looked at my own son in disbelief. How did it happen? He was just a child. A 9-year-old kid who almost beat me in a running race. What the hell happened to me? Was he getting much faster or was I getting slower? It had to be a combination of the two.

That’s when I looked down and noticed: He wasn’t wearing shoes. He had been running barefoot all the time. My son had almost beaten me in a race without shoes.

What would have happened if he had put his sneakers back on? I don’t know. I do not want to know.

Mortality

On some level, I knew it was inevitable. I knew my son would go faster as I got slower. That the lines drawn on this graph would one day intersect, but this race – this hellish race – was shooting at twin blind spots in my parental psyche.

First, the refusal to accept the ravages of age. There’s a difference between knowing that your body is slowly breaking down and Really understand it. That’s why punch-drunk boxers come out of retirement for “one last fight.” In our minds, we are always at the peak of our powers. In our absolute peak.

Second part of this paradox: it is almost impossible to Really imagine our children growing up, aging like everyone else. In my head, I’m still the same teenager, galloping ahead of everyone at high speed. My son is also frozen in my imagination. He will always be my little boy, the 6-year-old boy spending entire weekends learning to do backflips on a trampoline.

Everyone ages all the time. This race is a physical manifestation of this great truth. Yesterday I was rocking my son to sleep in the middle of the night, today he almost beat me in the 70 meter sprint. Children are a living, breathing reminder of time passing. And our own mortality.

But today my inevitable defeat feels even more inevitable. I thought I had a few more years. I’m probably a few months old. Tops.

Now my thoughts are focused on what I’m gonna do When he wins.

I have to give him the money, don’t I? It seems clear. But do I give him $100 in cash and put the remaining $900 into some sort of fund that he will receive when he turns 16? It was my first instinct, but it’s lame. Too much of a “dad move”.

My second instinct is “just give him the money”. Flat out give her every penny. Let him stuff $1,000 in his little dinosaur wallet and let the chips fall where they may. Whether he donates it to charity or blows it on Minecraft skins, it will be his choice. Maybe it will be a story he tells his own children, another one of those “teaching moments”.

Because at the end of the day, all I want is for my son – my wild, fast grandson – to learn to live with the consequences of his own choices.

Just like his dear old dad.


 
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