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The winners and losers of Prince Harry's 'Spare'

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Harry’s lofty thoughts? Winning stuff.
Photo-Illustration: Vulture. Photos: Samir Hussein – Pool/WireImage; Fox

Prince Harry’s new memoir, Save, is the literary equivalent of tea going cold and scones a little too stale. Of course, there’s never enough gossip to satiate palace intrigues, but Harry and his wife, Meghan Markle, already had a revealing interview with Oprah Winfrey in 2021 and an even more revealing Netflix docuseries in 2022 – making Save more a recap than an exposition. Still, Harry is cautiously ready to inject some Crown at the House of Windsor. Let’s save you the long read and count the winners and losers.

Loser: Prince Andrew
When security services were taken away from Harry, Meghan and their newborn, Archie, in February 2020 – a “government decision”, claimed his brother William – Harry couldn’t help but wonder who still he did has protection: his disgraced uncle and associate of Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew. “He was involved in a shameful scandal, accused of sexually assaulting a young girl, and no one even suggested he lose his security,” writes Harry.

More severe burn: “No matter what complaints people had against us, sex crimes were not on the list.”

Winner: Steve
With whom Harry shares an “inexplicable bond” – when he’s smoking weed and super-high, at least – because the Family man character is a “prophet without honor”. He also compares William to Stewie on one occasion in a disparaging manner.

Loser: Camilla, Queen Consort
Harry claims his stepmother – whom he and William begged their father not to marry – has always been the shrewdest royal when it comes to tabloid coverage, so much so that she frequently leaks details of the Windsors’ lives to members of the press in return. of its own favorable coverage. “Stories began to appear everywhere, in all newspapers, about his private conversations with Willy”, writes Harry, “stories which contained accurate details, none of which came from Willy, of course”. Camilla’s alleged behavior – which, according to Harry, dates back to the beginning of her relationship with Charles after Diana’s death – was reflected in a key member of her and Charles’ shared communications team, who “created and launched a campaign to get good press for Pa and Camilla at the expense of bad press for us. All of that, and she turned Harry’s room into a dressing room after he moved in. “I tried not to care,” he admits. “But especially After the first time I saw it, I cared.”

More severe burn: “She started playing the long game. A campaign aimed at marriage and eventually the Crown.

Winner: Pixar
After his first date with Meghan, Harry – having arrived 30 minutes late due to traffic and believing he has ruined his chances as a result – commiserated to a friend after drinking, smoking and watching Inside out. “An animated film about emotions,” he says. “Perfect. I was completely inside out. Meghan FaceTimed him midway through the movie and was confused as to why he was “watching cartoons.”

Loser: Kate Middleton, Princess of Wales
Harry tells how Kate felt an uneasiness around Meghan and how the relationship between the “Fab Four” broke down because of it. Kate, for one, was upset that the couple didn’t bring her gifts over the Easter break one year, and also insisted that she “owed an apology” after Meghan mentioned her post-baby mindset in a private conversation. “We are not close enough for you to talk about my hormones!” Kate told Meghan in front of their spouses, Harry writes. Prior to this, Kate has expressed several “problems” she’s had with Meghan and Harry’s wedding preparations, which he attributes to American versus British cultural differences. Oh yeah, and Kate (with William) supposedly encouraged Harry to wear a Nazi uniform to a costume party in the middle of the night.

More severe burn: “She loved clothes.”

Winner: Friends
Harry, who identifies as a Chandler, mentions his “fanatical” love for the NBC sitcom four times in the book. “I think I watched every episode of Friends in 2013,” he writes. He cites “The One with Monica and Chandler’s Wedding” as a particularly good episode of underwear folding. He would go on to be a guest at Courteney Cox’s Los Angeles home in 2016: “The idea of ​​sleeping at Monica’s was highly appealing. It’s fun. While there, he picked up magic mushrooms – a “trip” that grew up with a talking toilet that had its own head.

Loser: King Charles
Harry accuses his father of being complicit in enabling Camilla’s fixation with the press, so much so that William and Kate thought they were being “cornered and unfairly pursued” by the couple. “Dad and Camilla didn’t want Willy and Kate to take the headlines away from them or their causes,” writes Harry. “They openly berated Willy about this many times.” Charles was also “furious” at Harry’s crusade against racist tabloid coverage of Meghan because he made him “look bad” for not doing such a deed for Camilla. “What he really couldn’t stand was someone new taking over the monarchy,” continues Harry, “grabbing the spotlight, someone bright and new coming in and outshining him.” Without warning, he cut Harry off financially when the couple ran low on funds in early 2020, a decision his son says left him “fattened for slaughter”.

More severe burn: “Wasn’t he good at showing emotions under normal circumstances, how can you expect him to show them in a crisis?”

Winner: Will Arnett
Harry was so delighted to hear Batman’s voice in The Lego Batman Movie, that he repeatedly asked Arnett to say “Hi Harry” to him at a party. “He wanted to say no, but he didn’t want to be impolite,” remembers Harry. “Or so he recognized that I wouldn’t stop.”

Loser: Prince William
In 2019, William allegedly physically attacked Harry during an argument over Meghan, who William deemed “difficult”, “rude” and “abrasive” – ​​and whom he previously pleaded with his brother not to date. The attack left Harry with scratches and bruises on his back. William appeared to be most likely among the Windsors to believe tabloid stories about Meghan, with Harry recalling that “he was just repeating the press narrative, telling false stories he had read or heard”. He also tells Harry that his therapist has been brainwashing him, which Harry believes is William’s strategy to discredit Harry’s well-being among the family.

More severe burn: “My dear brother, my archenemy, how did it come to this?”

Winner: suits
When Harry first told William and Kate about his romantic relationship with Meghan, they responded with genuine shock and delight. Turns out they were “religious” suits watchers who knew every detail about the exploits of her paralegal character, Rachel Zane. “Now I had to worry about them chasing her for an autograph,” recalls Harry.

Loser: bad tattoos
A drunken Harry was physically prevented from getting a Botswana foot tattoo during a boys’ trip to Las Vegas in 2012. He thought it would honor his “sense of carpe diem”. His friends disagreed.

Winner: BrainyQuote.com
Harry was “blown away” to discover a William Faulkner quote on the website that related to him – “The past is never dead. It’s not even over yet” – enough to include it in 17 pages.

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